I'm a couple days late with my new year
resolution, but better late than never, right?
It's interesting the way that things
come into our lives or our view at just the right time; I guess some
would call those omens or signs. My dad has a way, too, of being
intuitive, or at the very least, perceptive. I think the one line
that encapsulates my thoughts for this resolution comes from what my
dad wrote in my Easter card. While I'm not one to celebrate the
resurrection, I will celebrate that Easter is a sign of spring.
Either way, my parents still send me an Easter card and special
treats to celebrate, and this year my dad's message meant more to me
than usual. He wrote, “Easter helps us believe in new beginnings.”
Dad's message couldn't have come at a better time, or maybe I was
more open to receiving it because of the changes that I'm making in
my life.
I'm trying very hard to remove as much
of the toxicity from my life as I can, and it hasn't always been
easy, but I am becoming more and more aware of how necessary it is.
This change is helping me find new strength, it's helping me be the
person who I never thought I had a right to be. How crazy is that? To
think that you have to do certain things or behave a particular way
in order to deserve a
specific life, set of friends, or even love. I don't want this blog
to be about that, instead, I want solely to consider the wishes that
I have for myself as I enter into another new year.
New beginnings. I
really do feel them. It's almost as if I can see what my future could
hold; not just that I'm able to visualize it, but I can actually
watch it. There is almost a sense of nostalgia that comes with it,
because I can see it so clearly that it's like I'm watching my past,
only it hasn't happened yet. This is new and exciting and a little
scary since there is no real way of knowing what the future holds. I
see new adventures. I am excited for some traditions to continue and
to engage in new experiences with my friends and family. I see new
friends and places. I see exploration of space and self – travel
near and far. I see light, a certain kind of brightness that comes
from the purity of spirit. I see laughter, joy, excitement, love,
smiles, and genuine happiness. I hope for newer and deeper
understanding of my role here, not on Earth, but for myself and
others in this life.
So much change has
already taken place in the last 365 days; I'm in a very different
place today than I was a year ago. This time last year I did a lot of
pretending. I did a lot of lying to myself and others about my
feelings and fears, hopes, thoughts, everything. My happiness wasn't
genuine and the few moments that I did feel it didn't last long. For
the most part, last year is forgotten; a faded and faraway memory
that I have chosen not to hold onto. I don't want that to be true for
this new year, and I already don't think it will be. I'm feeling
healthier now – in mind, body, and spirit. I feel like I'm on the
right track, that my vision is clearing, that I'm gaining more ground
and I'm almost ready to live the life designed for me. The one I
deserve and always have – even if I didn't think so before. I'm
excited for the prospect of “new beginnings” whatever they may
be; I think I'm finally ready for them.
Another year older,
and maybe, finally, another year wiser.
Until Next Time,
Courtney Chivon
No comments:
Post a Comment