Hey.Hi.Hello.
A while ago I posted this video: Dating and the Truth About You the bottom of which you
will see that I was asked to share the checklist. I thought about creating
another video in order to do that, but sex kind of got in the way – as it
usually does. I recently wrapped on the first 13 webisodes of #discoverdating
and began filming the next part of the series which is all about sex, and
thought that by the time I get this response video out on the web, it will have
lost all its relevance. Hopefully that hasn’t quite happened yet, and this blog
can help make up for the delay. In short, here is my checklist and what each
item means to me (it looks like a contract):
Time
Do they have balance in their life?
- Is he a workaholic?
- Is he a playaholic?
- Does his family/friend base consume all
his time?
- How many hobbies does he have? What are
they like? How much time does he spend with them?
- Where or how would I fit in?
- Where or how would he fit into my schedule?
Finances
Are they financially literate?
- How does he spend his money? Believe it or
not, this is easy to gauge without being in a relationship. Pay attention
to how he reacts to menu items, thoughts on atmosphere of the venue. Look
at how he’s dressed. Do you know what he drives or how he got to the venue?
Check out his watch, wallet, and shoes. It isn’t about how much money he
has, it’s about how he uses it.
- Lavishly?
- Carelessly?
- Cautiously?
- Miserly?
- How is he currently living?
- Renter? Homeowner? Roommates?
Living with family? Etc.
- Beyond his means?
Lifestyle
Do they have balance in their habits?
- Is he a gym rat?
- Does he eat healthy?
- Is he a food/workout Nazi?
- Can he indulge or have a day away from
exercise without freaking out?
- Does he sleep enough?
- Too much?
- Too little?
- Not well?
- What is his alcohol consumption like?
- Is he on any drugs (prescribed or
otherwise)?
- How does this affect others,
especially me?
- What’s his routine like on an average day,
from alarm clock to bedtime?
- Is there balance in his
routine?
- Is he lazy?
- Does he strive for
betterment?
Relationship with Others
What are their relationships like?
- Family?
- Friends?
- Work?
- Is he sensitive to others?
- Is he brash?
- Is he unforgiving?
- How does he react to negativity?
- How does he react to positivity?
- Is he self-absorbed?
- Does he put others down in order to life
himself up?
- Is he an active listener?
- What kind of “fighter” is he?
- How does his problem solve/resolve
conflict?
- How do our personalities mesh?
- Is he introverted or extroverted?
Miscellaneous
Extra tidbits that I like to include:
- How does he view imperfection?
- In self;
- In others
- What is his educational background?
- Open minded;
- Narrow minded;
- Values hard science;
- Values soft science;
- Elitist;
- Organization experience
- Clubs? Frats? Sports? Etc.
- Who paid for his degree(s)?
- Freedom?
- To explore
- Self;
- Other;
- The world
- To decide
- In thinking – is he easily
swayed by popular opinion?
- To express – is he being
authentic?
Ultimately, this list is a guide to helping me match his
traits/characteristics/etc. with my own and decide if they’re compatible or
not. It isn’t meant to form judgment, as that’s not anybody’s place to do, but
it is meant to create some guidelines or boundaries for where we start. If too
many of this things can’t be met by either one of us, we – I – move on to the
next guy.
Also, this is my list; your list may look different based on your needs
or values. If you want to see how I rank myself against my list, let me know
and I’ll work something out; otherwise – have fun discovering dating!
Until Next Time,
Courtney Chivon