Chapter 45: Cleansing

I’ve been meaning to write about this, but haven’t had a chance until…three days ago, but then my laziness won. Anyway, here I am, writing about it now.

A couple of weeks ago my friend and I went out for happy hour after our last day with students. We were celebrating the end of the school year, the start of summer vacation, and the great unknown of what’s to come. After a couple of drinks with one very drunk honey bee – I do hope he ended up being ok – we decided to go shopping. We wandered Pearl Street with giddiness, like two high school girls who were just asked to the prom by the “big guys on campus” but the real reason for it was the sheer enjoyment of each other’s company. I haven’t felt that wonderfully silly in a long time. To add to our impulsivity, we decided to check out the Boulder Psychic Institute. We had no expectations, we just want to check it out, but upon opening the door feared we had interrupted something special. Our barreling through with laughter might have sent the see-saw askew as we happened to walk in on practicing students cleaning peoples’ auras and chakras…oops. Sorry. We were just ducking back out when the hostess (I presume) told us what was happening and suggested that we put our names on the list to be cleansed – for free. My friend and I looked at each other and said, “why not,” then added our names to the list and sat to wait.

My friend when first and I watched for a bit while simultaneously trying [not] to listen to the various other conversations around me. One woman was being moved, emotionally, by her experience; you could tell it felt more real to her than anything has in quite some time. Eventually it was my turn. Sad to say, I don’t remember the name of the woman with whom I met, but I hope to find out – I felt connected to her and would like to meet with her again. Anyway, not knowing what to expect, I sat in the chair and let her do her thing. It wasn’t long after she started that I found it incredibly difficult to keep my eyes open. They were heavy, but not with fatigue, with something else. I fought a couple of times to open them and keep them open, but whenever I would, I would feel surrounded by a cacophony of noise that would result in my feeling completely off balance. With my eyes closed, the room was quieter somehow.

For one brief moment I was jolted awake, I felt a quick shortness of breath – like waking from a bad dream. My eyes were open; I sat more upright, and realized that she was kneeling to my right with her hand over my heart chakra. It only lasted a moment before I felt calm again and felt the need to close my eyes. After 15 minutes, she tapped me to let me know that she was done. I turned to her and asked if there was anything in particular that she could share with me about what she did and here’s what she told me:

First that my aura is very close and tight, meaning I probably don’t like letting people in or I probably don’t do it much. Then she said that there was the presence of a gentleman that needed to be removed so she took care of that. She said there was a lot of sadness around my heart chakra, a lot of darkness. She was most excited, however, about my throat chakra. She said she saw me with a microphone and a vibrant light behind me and diamonds falling over me, meaning that I was being protected. She said she wasn’t sure if I was about to give a speech, but that it would be successful. I told her that I just gave one a week ago for a graduation and that yes, I did feel truly held in that space at that time, especially because it was such an emotional and special moment for all of us. She congratulated me and offered warm wishes with my “way with words,” to which I smiled, thanked her for her time, and left. Before my friend and I shared our experiences with each other she said, “I was watching you and she spent a long time on your heart.” 

My friend and I left, grounded this time, our giddiness more like new light. We got coffee and talked about our respective cleansings and then went our own ways for what was left of the night. Already I felt changed. Not like, oh-my-god-it’s-a-whole-new-world changed, but definitely different. I feel lighter in a way, like an enormous weight has been lifted. Maybe it was him – the gentleman’s energy which was removed. Maybe it was the validation of my words – someone seeing something in me that I’ve failed to fully recognize in myself. Maybe it was just a fluke reaction to a party trick. I don’t know, but whatever it was, it has left me feeling better, feeling open, and feeling – vulnerable. I think I’m finally ready to let people in, be they friends, family, or lovers. I’m seeing myself in a different light, and it’s shining so, so bright.

Until Next Time,
Courtney Chivon

Chapter 44: Rites of Passage

I guess I talked about it so much either as I was writing it or after so many people commented about it, that I've decided to share it with you all too. I had a couple of parents ask for a copy of it (including parents of non-graduating children). This isn't the first instance of positive feedback, but I think because it was so close to me and so emotional for a number of people, I feel very tied to this speech and those who inspired the writing of it, and perhaps that's why I don't mind sharing it now. I've substituted children's names with their initials for the blog.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

I’ll open with congratulations, but not to our cohort of graduates – theirs is yet to come. Instead, I want to congratulate the parents, family members, fellow teachers, and friends who have undoubtedly offered their unwavering support. Tonight’s graduates have certainly needed and will continue to need guidance, and because I know them, I know they've come from places of strength, stability, courage, difficulty, fear, and especially, love. I congratulate you first and offer my sincerest wishes for continued strength, stability, and courage in times of difficulty and fear, and especially love as you continue to offer support to our children. Congratulations.

I spent a lot of time rewriting this speech, not because I didn't know what to say, but because none of the configurations ever seemed to work; the flow was – for lack of a more sophisticated word – wacky. I couldn't find the thread, a thread – a uniting piece, let alone THE uniting piece. So finally, I just started brainstorming words or phrases that made me think of each of them, and what ended up happening was my recognition of the ways in which these four young people have taught me, the “teacher". So I've chosen one key element that I've learned from each of them, and if you’ll bear with me, I’d like to share those reflections with you now.

D, we've recently learned, has a fan club. Here on campus. A grouping of primary children who adore him, rightfully so, I think they see in him what I see. His fan club is a testament to his nature and character. D, you’re the first to help someone else; you want to make your friends feel better when they’re down. You’re quick to recognize when something you've said or done has caused hurt to another and that particular self-awareness is what continually prompts you to reach out. You’re quick to make amends, quick to step in for others and you light up when you can bring joy to someone else. D, you remind me to be gentle to others, to think of what the other person is going through, and to be empathetic. You remind me that at the end of the day it will not have mattered if I was a knowledgeable teacher, but instead, that I was a gracious one. Thank you.

A, your self-confidence is admirable. It’s hard to be strong all the time, it’s hard to brush things off even when you know it’s the right thing to do, and it’s hard to go against the grain, but you make it seem effortless. What’s even more impressive is that I know that it’s not all for show because I catch you at times, when you think no one is looking, and you’re still the most authentic version of yourself – nothing to hide, nothing to fake. At 33 years old I am still not there; I still struggle with being true to myself and not letting what others have to say or think take away from my joy. You inspire me, A, you remind me of how important it is to be open to others while retaining the kind of power required to be gentle and true to myself. Thank you.

As the assistant, I have the added privilege of observing everyone during recess, which means that I get to see everyone in their truest from - while they socialize. S, I’ll admit that observing you last year had me a little worried – worried that your voice would get lost among those who are louder; that you would get swept away by others whose presence was more overpowering. When you walked into the classroom this year, instantly my fears were gone because I saw that you had changed. You found your voice and your strength. You've learned how to set healthy boundaries and stick to them; you've embraced your role as a leader in our classroom, on this campus, and in your life. And I believe that I've seen a much happier, and more authentic you this year because of it. S, what you remind me of everyday is something that I’m constantly saying to you which is to remember that it’s OK to be vulnerable, it's OK to open up and let others see us for who we are. You remind me that I – that we – are agents of change, whether it’s our immediate circle or our larger community, we have to be willing to give of ourselves if we expect the same from others. Thank you.

F, I have been privileged to see a change in you too. Once a meek and figuratively small fifth grader, you've become a confident and ever present sixth grader. I've enjoyed watching you grow more and more comfortable in your skin, I was happy to bear witness to your metamorphosis from young child into young lady. I've watched your peers turn to you with admiration, respect, and genuine fondness. You’re like everyone’s older sister – the one with all the answers, the one who always has a shoulder to cry on, the one who offers her time to help even if she needs that time for herself and you do it because you recognize that they chose you. You remind me that we, humans, are constantly changing; that there is always room for growth, and most importantly, that there is always time for someone else, especially someone who thinks that time with you will add value to their life. Thank you.

So now, finally, I congratulate each of you. Your journey here at Jarrow is coming to its end, but you have a greater journey still awaiting you. There will be scary moments, challenges, difficult situations, tough decisions, and endless battles with yourself – and that’ll all be before your next graduation. But you also contain, within you, the knowledge and ability to overcome those struggles. You already carry and exhibit the values of being a leader, the awareness of self required to stay true – to know moral “right” from “wrong,” the vulnerability to take a risk and the willingness to let your mistakes guide you. You each hold the power within yourself to face what comes next with grace and brilliance. Sure, you’ll fall, but you know how to get up, and more importantly, you know how to keep carrying on.

Dean Jackson wrote, “When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.” And now, as much as we – caterpillars – want you all to change back into members of our community, the truth is that you have wings. It is up to us to embrace your weirdness and watch you – for you will show us how to fly. Here you are - four butterflies, beautifully emerged from your cocoons and ready to embark on your next journey. You’ll innovate and change your world, you’ll dream and create, you’ll gain new strengths, you’ll continue to transform. And us, we’ll be all right – we’ll be here when you’re ready to come back; we’ll be here, basking in your light. Thank you for creating a light vibrant enough for all of us; thank you for showing us how beautiful change can be, and thank you for making me dream to have wings like yours. I’m overwhelmed. Congratulations.