Chapter 11: If I Weren't A Counselor, There's Nothing I'd Rather Be...

I just finished week 8 yesterday and my biggest thought right now is: “wow, the summer really went by quickly.”

It was not an easy summer, not that I expected it to be, but when looking back, it was an amazing summer. The job I just completed was taxing on my body and mind; it was emotionally and physically draining and it was absolutely exhaustive – and that’s just from dealing with campers. Then add personality conflicts between co-counselors and drama all around and making time for new friends = lack of sleep and loss of bone density by the end of the summer. Mostly, the last 8 weeks proved to be a great time for reflection and change. My life as I knew it June 21st was put on hold and I started a new one – temporarily. Although I knew how long it would last, I got lost in my new place and am apprehensive about what I’m supposed to return to, asking: “will it be ok? What will still matter to me? How have I changed and what will that mean for relationships I established before camp?”

There is so much that I’m eager for next and it makes leaving camp an exciting and welcome change but for two months my life has existed within a fence and comprised of scheduled activities taking me from 7am – 9 pm everyday. This makes leaving camp a nerve wracking change; I never thought I would be nervous about returning to my life, but I’m wondering if there is still room for me in it.

Camp has also shown me who I really am – though I can say that about other parts of my life, I think camp symbolizes all that I am made of. I know my job was to provide and enriched environment to people with disabilities, maybe change someone’s life (if even in a very small way) but I found that the biggest change in someone’s life was the change that happened in mine.

To those I've met because of camp, especially a handful of you (you know who you are), thank you so much for being a part of my most memorable summer. Without your shining faces, my days would have been grey and without your tender ears and open hearts, my nights would have been long and dark. You've given me wonderful memories, advice, moments of joy and laughter and your friendship will forever be my very best souvenir. I will carry it with me when times are hard and remember that we once fough brutal situations together, survived and remember that nothing was ever as bad as we felt it was in the moment. Thank you.

Good-bye Pine, Good-bye Wasie, Good-bye North Dorm (EW), Good-bye Mourning Dove, Good-bye Irish Rose, Good-bye Camp Friendship, we’ll see you next summer…

Until next time,

Courtney Chivon

Chapter 10: There Once Was A Man Named Chad

With only one week left, I finally understand and realize why some counselors are drawn to some campers and what makes us feel so connected to each other.

There's a need to be needed that lives within my soul. I never really connect with my campers that don't need me as much but I always have an incredibly large soft spot for those that do need me. What I mean is, I have to be able to care for someone in order to not only feel useful but also, to feel bonded. I know that all of my campers need me to some regard, but it's the ones that depend on my assistance that I feel closer to. When I take time off, I always miss and think most about those campers who require just a bit more attention.

However, I am not that counselor that can often be found in close proximity to her campers, meaning I don’t often comfort or console my campers through hug or touch. This is a greater difference that I’ve noticed. There are those counselors who enjoy the physical bonding as much as their campers do, but I can never find it to be anything more than awkward. It has nothing to do with personal space either, it has to do with my not needing to have a physical connection in order to feel connected. I know that campers can sense this from me because only a few have ever tried to test that. It’s ok though, there is always another counselor that is able to fulfill that role and I am always there to care for campers in a different way.

This week though, was a week of firsts:

-first male cabin of the summer

-first week with 90% personal cares

-first week to be needed in every capacity (read above)

-first week to recognize and understand why those differences are so important.

Anyway, so ends week 7 of my 8 week journey. Anticipating my last week in Minnesota leaves me both relieved and sad. I am about to prepare for the last week knowing that I can be both types of counselor – thanks to a man named Chad.

Until next time,
Courtney Chivon

Chapter 9: Tidal Waves

It’s been two weeks since the last entry and there are a couple of reasons for that:

1. Last week my cabin and my co-counselor were so wonderful that I didn’t have too much to write about – other than how wonderful they were. I had a group of fairly high functioning individuals, a favorite counselor and program staff to work with and an altogether really great week, which is obvious from the photos.

2. I had two weeks in a row with great cabins (campers and counselors alike) and wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself and didn’t have much to write about.

Now, here we are at the end of week six, only two weeks left until I’m El Paso/San Antonio bound and I’m ready. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy my job and what I do and being on camp but my body is getting tired and is fighting with me because of it. This past week was pretty intense with personal cares and a full cabin. I had a repeat camper, one who two weeks ago was the bane of my existence and today is one of my favorites ever. Things aren’t always easy around camp but you do learn about yourself and discover true loves. For instance, I love being needed and feeling needed (a reason I think I’ll enjoy being a parent when the time comes); and this past week I was needed in various forms and I looked forward to every aching and sometimes irritating minute of it.

As I’m getting closer to the end I’m feeling a mixture of anxiety (excitement for returning to my home state and starting the next chapter) and incompleteness (sadness that I’m going to be leaving soon, pangs of regret that this will probably be my only year/summer at camp and discontentment with never really finding my place here). While I didn’t necessarily come to camp to make new friends, I will be leaving with only a handful (literally) and I look around and see that so many others are so bonded, sometimes it’s saddening. I don’t want to be part of a clique, in fact I rather hate cliques, but I would like to know that I matter to people and I would like people to know that they matter to me and I suppose that less is more but I sometimes wish that adage wasn’t so. However, if I think back and compare this summer to … well, my entire life … I’ve always only had a handful of people that I truly connected with and I’ve always loved knowing that while I may not have 100 friends, I do have 10 that I can always count on – this has and always will be the most reassuring part of my life. I guess I am content after all.

This week, I switch villages and work with some new faces, and some new campers (I have male campers for the first time…yikes)! We shall see what the next adventure is – I’m ready for it.

Until next time,

Courtney Chivon