It's that time again, and again, I'm left with inadequate words for expressing my journey in the last year.
I don't know how I manage to live a drama-free life, yet nothing about anything I experience is ever easy or makes any sense.
I'm sitting in a coffee shop where the only people not sitting in front of a laptop were teenagers who walked over from the high school next door. They spent the entire 15 minutes they were here talking to each other. What is that like? I've forgotten.
That was completely non sequitur, but I'm not sure how to write this...
I know I could talk about my personal, professional, emotional growth over the past 365 days, but why? People who know me already witnessed that, people who follow me are already aware, and frankly, I'm not sure that would sound any different from any of my past resolution blogs.
I could talk about my plans for the next 365 days, but why? My mind changes faster than the Colorado weather, my goals are more like mirages in the desert, and I've come to learn that planning never works as...well, planned. Didn't John Lennon say, life is what happens when you're busy making plans? Maybe it wasn't him, I tend to credit all the really profound sounding things to him since I always thought he was ahead of his time.
I guess I'm at a stalemate with myself, which makes sense since the person I compete with the most is myself. I can say that the most common advice people have given me over the past year is to be gentle with myself. It's hard to hear something like that when the only person who knows how to push me, accept me, love me, challenge me, and trust me is...me. That said, maybe gentleness with myself needs to become a common practice in this next year of my life. Maybe that's what my new year resolution is supposed to be because when all is said and done, the most important relationship I'll ever have will be the one I have with myself.
I am starting this new year with a change in how I share my work. I've built and bought courtneychivon.com, which I hope will showcase all the things I love, and who knows...from there, anything is possible. It's somewhat bare right now, but I have plans and now that everything resides there, I think it'll be easier to direct traffic and share myself. I don't know what will come of it, and I'm not even entirely sure I know what I WANT to come from it, but it's there.
I've done a lot of thinking about my journey - where have I come from, where am I now, where do I go next...? I'm working on purging the past, only taking the lessons and relevant memories, letting go of the pain and sadness even if it did shape me into a stronger person. I'm skating the rings of my present, trying to embrace every moment for what it's worth, trying to hold on to the knowledge that I'm always where I'm supposed to be. I'm standing on the edge of what is yet to come, arms spread wide, lungs full of air, falling...slowly, but swiftly into the great, Next.
For those who remain my ride or die - thank you, I love you. For those just joining, I hope you'll stay for the ride.
Until Next Time,
Courtney Chivon
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