08 June 2014

Chapter 44: Rites of Passage

I guess I talked about it so much either as I was writing it or after so many people commented about it, that I've decided to share it with you all too. I had a couple of parents ask for a copy of it (including parents of non-graduating children). This isn't the first instance of positive feedback, but I think because it was so close to me and so emotional for a number of people, I feel very tied to this speech and those who inspired the writing of it, and perhaps that's why I don't mind sharing it now. I've substituted children's names with their initials for the blog.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

I’ll open with congratulations, but not to our cohort of graduates – theirs is yet to come. Instead, I want to congratulate the parents, family members, fellow teachers, and friends who have undoubtedly offered their unwavering support. Tonight’s graduates have certainly needed and will continue to need guidance, and because I know them, I know they've come from places of strength, stability, courage, difficulty, fear, and especially, love. I congratulate you first and offer my sincerest wishes for continued strength, stability, and courage in times of difficulty and fear, and especially love as you continue to offer support to our children. Congratulations.

I spent a lot of time rewriting this speech, not because I didn't know what to say, but because none of the configurations ever seemed to work; the flow was – for lack of a more sophisticated word – wacky. I couldn't find the thread, a thread – a uniting piece, let alone THE uniting piece. So finally, I just started brainstorming words or phrases that made me think of each of them, and what ended up happening was my recognition of the ways in which these four young people have taught me, the “teacher". So I've chosen one key element that I've learned from each of them, and if you’ll bear with me, I’d like to share those reflections with you now.

D, we've recently learned, has a fan club. Here on campus. A grouping of primary children who adore him, rightfully so, I think they see in him what I see. His fan club is a testament to his nature and character. D, you’re the first to help someone else; you want to make your friends feel better when they’re down. You’re quick to recognize when something you've said or done has caused hurt to another and that particular self-awareness is what continually prompts you to reach out. You’re quick to make amends, quick to step in for others and you light up when you can bring joy to someone else. D, you remind me to be gentle to others, to think of what the other person is going through, and to be empathetic. You remind me that at the end of the day it will not have mattered if I was a knowledgeable teacher, but instead, that I was a gracious one. Thank you.

A, your self-confidence is admirable. It’s hard to be strong all the time, it’s hard to brush things off even when you know it’s the right thing to do, and it’s hard to go against the grain, but you make it seem effortless. What’s even more impressive is that I know that it’s not all for show because I catch you at times, when you think no one is looking, and you’re still the most authentic version of yourself – nothing to hide, nothing to fake. At 33 years old I am still not there; I still struggle with being true to myself and not letting what others have to say or think take away from my joy. You inspire me, A, you remind me of how important it is to be open to others while retaining the kind of power required to be gentle and true to myself. Thank you.

As the assistant, I have the added privilege of observing everyone during recess, which means that I get to see everyone in their truest from - while they socialize. S, I’ll admit that observing you last year had me a little worried – worried that your voice would get lost among those who are louder; that you would get swept away by others whose presence was more overpowering. When you walked into the classroom this year, instantly my fears were gone because I saw that you had changed. You found your voice and your strength. You've learned how to set healthy boundaries and stick to them; you've embraced your role as a leader in our classroom, on this campus, and in your life. And I believe that I've seen a much happier, and more authentic you this year because of it. S, what you remind me of everyday is something that I’m constantly saying to you which is to remember that it’s OK to be vulnerable, it's OK to open up and let others see us for who we are. You remind me that I – that we – are agents of change, whether it’s our immediate circle or our larger community, we have to be willing to give of ourselves if we expect the same from others. Thank you.

F, I have been privileged to see a change in you too. Once a meek and figuratively small fifth grader, you've become a confident and ever present sixth grader. I've enjoyed watching you grow more and more comfortable in your skin, I was happy to bear witness to your metamorphosis from young child into young lady. I've watched your peers turn to you with admiration, respect, and genuine fondness. You’re like everyone’s older sister – the one with all the answers, the one who always has a shoulder to cry on, the one who offers her time to help even if she needs that time for herself and you do it because you recognize that they chose you. You remind me that we, humans, are constantly changing; that there is always room for growth, and most importantly, that there is always time for someone else, especially someone who thinks that time with you will add value to their life. Thank you.

So now, finally, I congratulate each of you. Your journey here at Jarrow is coming to its end, but you have a greater journey still awaiting you. There will be scary moments, challenges, difficult situations, tough decisions, and endless battles with yourself – and that’ll all be before your next graduation. But you also contain, within you, the knowledge and ability to overcome those struggles. You already carry and exhibit the values of being a leader, the awareness of self required to stay true – to know moral “right” from “wrong,” the vulnerability to take a risk and the willingness to let your mistakes guide you. You each hold the power within yourself to face what comes next with grace and brilliance. Sure, you’ll fall, but you know how to get up, and more importantly, you know how to keep carrying on.


Dean Jackson wrote, “When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.” And now, as much as we – caterpillars – want you all to change back into members of our community, the truth is that you have wings. It is up to us to embrace your weirdness and watch you – for you will show us how to fly. Here you are - four butterflies, beautifully emerged from your cocoons and ready to embark on your next journey. You’ll innovate and change your world, you’ll dream and create, you’ll gain new strengths, you’ll continue to transform. And us, we’ll be all right – we’ll be here when you’re ready to come back; we’ll be here, basking in your light. Thank you for creating a light vibrant enough for all of us; thank you for showing us how beautiful change can be, and thank you for making me dream to have wings like yours. I’m overwhelmed. Congratulations. 

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