My New Year Resolution
My Big Move
My Recent Travels
My Big Move
My Big Move
So without further ado, and in a (greatly) abridged version here you go:
I celebrated the one year anniversary of my 30th birthday on Saturday (4.21) and because I'm also in the process of moving from San Antonio to (somewhere) Colorado, I had a dual bday-slash-going away dinner. Additionally, Sunday (4.22) was my last day of work and despite the wine hangover and late night, I made it on time. My dinner was wonderful, surrounded by friends, colleagues, people I respect, admire, look to for approval (they probably don't realize I do this but it's true) and when I left at the end of the night, I felt a sense of completeness...well...except that I didn't write my new year resolution and I still have no idea what it will/should be...
And that brings us to this very unnatural and awkward segue into my big move. I left San Antonio. Finally. I don't know who remembers this but when I moved to San Antonio I did so knowing that I wouldn't be there for long. That is where the university was, that is where I would complete my Master's but then that is where I would leave when school was all over. I stuck around for eight extra months but it was time to go. I knew I wanted to leave, to make my way north where family and friends frolic in snow but for a while the timing of it was undetermined. By December I decided it had to be soon and by January I made up my mind that my move would happen when the lease on my apartment ended. Much of that decision was based on my job and my growing animosity and also largely on the fact that I applied to over 30 positions in four months in San Antonio and didn't get a single interview. If I was going to be jobless it wouldn't be long before I was homeless too so...hey sister, I'm moving in. Thanks.
In February the ladies and I had a fantastic Valentine's Day Girl's Night Out where we talked about our dreams...by the end of the month I was making one of my dreams come true when I booked a non-refundable, non-exchangeable, ticket to Rome...Italy...with a return flight 4.5 weeks later, all to commence just after I left San Antonio! Was it impulsive? Sort of. Was it crazy? Probably. Was it the best decision of my life? YES! Was it my Eat.Pray.Love moment? Yes, except rather than a healthy cry on the floor of my bathroom I crawled into my closet and closed the door out of the sheer embarrassment that my cat would witness my uncontrollable sobbing and the guttural sounds of self-loathing. Booking the flight was the first step in getting me out of a funk. It also gave me something to work for, to look forward to, to anticipate. I rented an apartment, paid for the entire trip before I left, and had the most amazing time. Yes, alone...no, on my own. You can read about it here: Miss Adventure's Travel Blog. After I packed 90% of my life into a 5x9 storage unit in San Antonio, I headed to El Paso, then Italy, then back to El Paso...
...which is where I am now, a week away from my move to Colorado. There was no real hurry to move north since I didn't really have a job or responsibilities waiting for me. On July 2nd I headed to Boulder for a job interview. It's a half time position so people thought I was crazy for travelling all that way for half-time work. I say it's a good experience with a good program in a good Montessori school and I want to be a part of all that goodness. Also, I need to work on my CO teaching certification so half-time employment would really give me time to do both. Mostly, I'm the type of person who would rather take a half-time opportunity in my field, doing the thing I paid money getting a degree to do, than secure full-time employment doing something I hate. I have resources...a cushion, if you will...I don't need full-time work right now.
Another awkward segue into ... love ...? Ok. Here's the thing. I had a moment in Italy when I realized a few things about myself as a lover/partner/whatever. I finally returned an email to the ex telling him why we couldn't be friends and that I may never accept his friendship. Why is that important? Because I was finally able to write that email without hate or anger. It was simple. It was direct. It was civil. It was honest. The truth is that I know now what role I played for him and I think I understand what role he played for me. Our roles were short, they were never meant to last forever but it took a long time for me to realize that with him...or with anyone. The same night that I wrote his email I thought of all the past men from my adult-dating-relationship life and came to terms with each of our roles. Now, as I'm about to start this brand new book I know one thing about love, for certain, and that is this: I just want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Simple, right. Now that I've let go of all the hate and anger of all my past relationships I can wait to find that person and be ready to accept him with only love in my heart. And one day I'll meet him, one day, he'll step out of my dreams and into my world.
Finally, one last thought on my big move: this afternoon I was offered the job for which I interviewed at the beginning of the month. I am pretty excited about this and I feel in my bones that it's only the first of many new, wonderful, exciting experiences. I leave next week, will spend time with my sister while I look for a place closer to Boulder, and I'll start my new job on August 15th. If all goes well with apartment hunting and timing I'll return to San Antonio in September to empty that 5x9 box and finally be officially detached from that city...well, physically. I'm sure the people that were at my first anniversary-bday-slash-goodbye party will continue to be a part of my life and if they should ever need to bring me back to San Antonio, I would go but my life there is over.
Also, I think I do have a new year resolution after all and it's this: Live, simply and happily. Love, with absolute ferocity. Remember, every person and moment has a role in my life and me in theirs and when it's over, let it end. Trust, with sincerity. Believe, I always know exactly what I need to do and how to do it. Give, more of myself than feels comfortable because there will always be someone who can handle it.
Until Next Time,
Courtney Chivon
No comments:
Post a Comment